An essential feeling

(Stefan Wetterau)

1. PREFACE
Il y a seulement les sentiments essentiels
Qui guide où fourvoye les hommes
Il n'existera jamais l'homme
Qui comprendra les sentiments des gens

2. WHAT AM I DOING HERE: I: QUESTIONS
I feel like a child
As I lie here in this dark, cold tent
The storm is still approaching
Will tear my shaky home to rags

Oh, what shall I do?

And I ask myself
How and when did I come here at all?
And while the end is near
My mind gives me this grieving recall

Oh, what shall I do?

3. THE WELL-BRED STUPID FELLOW
With a piercing scream I came into this world
Hurt from the first minute on
Today it's me who I really hurt
Now that my feelings have gone
Grew up in a scatheless world
Far away from pain
No contact to the land outside
Where the others racked their brains

And I didn't notice at all
That I erected the tent
I didn't even notice that
Some others lended their hands

On the whole I was very lucky
My parents spared no pain
They gave me all I needed
To keep their image clean
But still something was missing
Something I didn't know
Suppose, unfounded ignorance
Is mistake enough

And I didn't notice at all
That I erected the tent
I didn't even notice that
Some others lended their hands

4. THIS IS THE WORLD
Stuck at my tent
It looked guite warm
I only had to creep into

Although I was curious
Felt the allurement
I wanted to close the door

Boys passed by
Just like I was one
And they took me away with them

They made me forget my tent
Leave it far behind
Just for an instant

We built huts, were warriors
Observed people, were spies
Played soccer
Misused knockers
Ran away

They really made me forget
My tent behind the fence
I only ran with them
Sometimes chased by men
Ran away

But even we grew older
And the path we ran along
Became wider
Became brighter
Difficult...

5. UNEXPLORED SPHERES
An alteration of our bodies
Not noticed all at once
A thorough new experience
Not noticed all at once

We came to a temple
On the inside red and white
The door was wide open
Without fear we stepped inside

Suddenly my friends were gone
She was standing on the other end
As if in trance I crossed the room
She was reaching for my hand

It was love
It was new
And even if I wanted to
There was nothing I could do

She took me in her arms
The world around us disappeared
Everything was full of light
When I held her, oh, so near

I forgot my friends outside
Believed they had these feelings, too
The tent was just a memory
A forced out, fading truth
It was love
It was new
And even if I wanted to
There was nothing I could do

6. SUDDEN CHANGE OF WHEATHER
There was a big celebration
In the white temple's grove
I'hey all were so happy
They couldn't get enough

Went the entangled paths
Among huge trees along
I held you really tight
And listened to the songs
Sat down under a tree
A large, strong lime-tree
Watched the others dancing
On the meadow (on the meadow...)

Suddenly she got up
And ran to the others
All at once she was gone
Far away I heard the thunder
She came back just once again
And tried to explain it to me
Perhaps I was deaf meanwhile
Somehow she talked strange to me

Desperate she looked down on me
The very last kiss I ever got
She heaved a low, almost sad sigh
She turned around and went away
Saw her in the arms of another
This bastard grinned contemptible
Above me the tree had changed
The branch of a weeping willow beat me in the face

7. A RUN WITH CLEAR DESTINATION
I got up, started to run
Leaving the dancing behind
I ran like hell
Leaving the dancing behind

There was this last remaining thought
Back to the tent
It was the only thing left in my head
Back to the tent

Behind me the t'riunder rolled
The storm drew near
It got darker and darker
Only me, the fear, the tears

I ran - ran like never before
I ran - ran where it all began

I had been disappointed
My friends had left me all
Whole worlds had collapsed
When my girl went away

The world had become grey
No colours anymore
All in all so hideous
Me right in the middle of it all

Behind me the thunder rolled
The storm drew near
It got darker and darker
Only me, the fear, the tears

I ran - ran like never before
I ran - ran where it all began

Stop!

There stood a man on the edge of the path
He stopped me by clutching me
He wore a long white overall
With his forefinger he pointed at me

'Listen, son, what I say to you!
Soon your way is gonna end
You're not gonna realize it at once
You know your end is gonna be - death!'

He let me loose, he let me go
I felt uneasy so much more
I turned to go, he laughed at me
Began to run again, left him behind

Behind me the thunder rolled
The storm drew near
It got darker and darker
Only me, the fear, the tears

I ran - ran like never before
I ran - ran where it all began

8. FALSE SECURITY
There it was, my tent
I simply jumped
I jumped

Pulled the zipper down
Felt so secure
Secure

Sure?

Until now the storm was far away
Just some sporadic thunderbolts
Until now the rain abstained
Just a few small raindrops

9. WHAT AM I DOING HERE: II. A BROAD HINT
The storm pulls my tent
The rain pushes the awning
A lightning slashes a tree
Standing very near
Now it's totally dark
In the flashing light I tremble
It won't take a long time

Though the lightnings could kill me
I clutch the poles
I know a lightning's gonna strike
But I clutch the poles

As I look up
I begin to understand
What the man on the path
Wanted to say

Suddenly it's clear
What he meant
And as I look up
I can see my end
My end, my tent, my hands...

10. OUTBURST
I hear voices outside
But I cannot understand them
The storm is too loud
But I know that I gotta get out
My grip gets stronger - get out
The tent-poles buckle - gotta get out
It cracks above me - get out
I gotta get out - get out, get out

The voices become louder
They're calling my name
They want me to get out
And I know I have to get out
The poles are bursting - get out
The awning's teared open - gotta get out
The rain falls in - get out
And now I'm out - I'm out, I'm out

The rain washes it all away
The sorrow, the problems, the fears
The people want me to come out
They are happy to see me
Now the rain abates
And the storm escapes
A last thunderbolt warns me
Not to do it again

Here I stand midst the ruins of my tent
Still holding the poles in my hands
It's the time to throw them away
And to leave this Sodom behind
The sunshine on my face
I feel like I'm reborn
The people rejoice, clap their hands and shout
As if it was a journey, my coming-out

And that's what I am: A blind traveller
Who has been on his way to hell
Without having a return-ticket

11. JUST LIKE MORNING
Beneath the leaves of a tree
Freeing itself trom the weight
I recognize a girl, lovely and small
I don't think that I've seen her before
I'm happy it's another girl
Almost the same feelings I had
When the other girl stood in front of me
This time I'm sure, I'm glad

With a shaking yell
I throw the bars away
Which were thought to be
Security...

I take her by the little hand
And go away with her
I can't believe what I lived through
And now I've found another girl
I'd never known how beautiful
The paths and meadows were
I never should have run away
When my first girl went away

With a shaking yell
I throw the bars away
Which were thought to be
Security...

12. RAIN
I hope I've never got to go back
Girl, hold me tight, make me forget
Let's get away from here real' fast
And forget what I've done wrong in the past

Thank you for it all
I love you